There are several answers to these questions, and all of them are complicated. Terlet opened his home to his friends following a disaster in our local area, and Hamtackle quit his job and grew a hobo beard. Again. Now a new year is upon us, and we have decided to each make post of our new year's resolutions. I, Hamtackle, will start it off.
I have two simple resolutions, the first of which is to gain fifty pounds by the end of the year. This is hard to do quickly, but I have my methods. I will post a follow-up when I complete this goal. The second is much simpler. Eradicate the hobo beard.
I took to the shears and eliminated three months of growth in one fell swoop, nearly severing my jugular in the process. I made it out ok, but the beard didn't. Here it is in all its glory.
I figured this photo didn't do it justice, so here is the beard spread out to show its full girth.
I contacted the good people at Locks Of Love to see if they were interested in a donation. They said beard hair is not suitable for wigs. I figured they weren't well-known in the merkin industry, so I tried to change their minds by demonstrating how dashing a beard wig could be.
But they didn't return my email. I can tell when I'm not wanted, so I had to find another way to dispose of this beard. Usually your whiskers just wash down the drain when you shave regularly, but a beard this pervasive is a different thing altogether. You can't just throw something this magnificent away, so I had to get creative.
And so it came to be, that my beard was given a proper viking burial. A fitting end for a noble ball of human hair. Be at peace, my friend. Be at peace…
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