The internet is a wonderful world of anonymous tomfoolery where we can enjoy our most uninhibited and poorly thought out whims without any fear of judgement or retribution. And although looking back at the brain child of days past might be good for a laugh, sometimes that child comes back to haunt us personally or professionally.
Are you trying to impress a special someone and don’t want them to find that sheister porn video to show up a hit #1 in a google search under your name? Or maybe you want to hide your involvement in an infamous online holocaust-denying community from a prospective employer. Perhaps your status as “NAMBLA recruiting officer of the decade” is not going to win you any votes in an upcoming political election. So what is a person to do?
Welcome to the world of E-Bortion Online Mistake Correction. Our team of E-Bortion doctors are specifically trained to seek out and destroy any unwanted profiles or other online footprints that have outlived their usefulness. They employ proprietary information gathering software known as “the lubricated eggbeater” to seek out any undesirable internet content and vacuum its brain out to leave your life unburdened by the mistakes of the past.
So why live life in the shadow of a socially-unacceptable online past of debauchery and indulgence? Just visit us at our innocuous and seemingly benign homepage of www.foodfinderspalace.com for a rundown of our services and a quick and easy price quote. There’s no awkward clinic visits peppered by protestors, nearly zero risk of post-procedural infection, and a very low rate of consumer regret and subsequent crippling depression. So get your E-Bortion today!
Just remember, we can get rid of your facebook profiles, tweet history, or blog publishing past, but make sure you want it done and buried, because there’s nothing as final as an E-Bortion. Call us now and mention this advertisement for a free one on one consultation!
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