God's Handiwork - Corn

Brother Lucius Loinladle

Not a day goes by that I don't hear some blasphemous bullshit spewed from the mouth of the unholy.  All that squawkin' about EVILution.  Those motherfuckers trying to push their bedeviled beliefs onto me and mine.  It sickens me to think that there are those who think we spawned from monkeys and mud crabs over millions of years.  That shit don't make no fuckin' sense!  You ain't provin' no fuckin' theories!

It is all so fucking simple.  It is so much easier to believe that shit's all magic, you know?  Try it... Shit's all magic.  Don't that feel fuckin' great!?  The fucking proof is all around us.  Look right there on my kitchen table, there is proof right there bitches!  It's a bushel of motherfuckin' corn!

Corn is a true example of God's handiwork.  I mean shit,  you can fucking eat it in so many ways.  That shit can be boiled, fried, grilled, creamed, stewed, pickled, microwaved or just eaten in the fucking field.  You can use the husks and shit to make like, shitty dolls for poor kids.  It has a thousand and one uses, but most prominant of all is it's intended purpose.  Corn makes a perfect dildo stick.

Cream That Shit!

God invented corn with the intended purpose of appeasing the sodomites and harlots of the world.  To keep them from straying into sin and shit.  Whoring it up or doing the old "man on man" is like, sinful, so he gave corn to the people so they could use it a pleasure device.  The culinary side effects are just a pleasant motherfuckin' happenstance.  

Corn peels back into an easy husk handle, it is naturally ribbed for your pleasure, it comes in all sizes custom fit to your pleasure threshold.  Heck they even gots big blue corn for the differently colored folk.  I always take mine, large, sweet and white.  Because God made that the most superior Corn.  Fuckin' shit!

Best Fuckin' Corn Ever!

Corn made the early Christians strong, wise and fucking satisfied. That is until the motherfucking Indians stole all the corn in the world back in ancient times, spiraling Europe into the dark ages, but Obama don't teach that shit in history class, do they!  That was the whole reason Columbus and shit went to America, to get our fuckin' corn back!  America owes it's existence to God's holy dildo, Corn!  We taught those fuckin' Indians not to fuck with God and shit, didn't we?!

Until next time, everything happens for a reason and there is magic and shit.... all around us. 

-God Bless.

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