Kinder Egg Surprise!

Oh, yeah it's my favorite time of the year!  Fuck Christmas, I love fucking Easter time!  This holiday has all the candy of Halloween without having to dress up or go to strangers houses, and all the excitement of Christmas but when you go to church you get to see a dude get tortured and killed, not some stupid baby!  And my mom gives me and my brother each a kinder egg...  and I fucking LOVE kinder eggs!

I couldn't wait until tomorrow morning to open mine so I went into the closet while my mom was in the shower and stole them.  I can't wait to see what's inside!

Yummy... look at the chocolaty goodness... 

YES!  This one is completely intact!  I hate it when your egg is all smashed up.  It takes all the fun out of it.  I had better get something cool, or the Easter bunny is getting kicked in the balls when we go to the mall next year...

It came apart perfectly...  But before I stuff that fucker in my mouth I'm checking out the prize.  Last year I got a little monkey with a cape on that you can shoot around the house with a rubber band.  IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME!

WHAT?  WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?  A PUZZLE?  Does the Easter bunny think I am SOME KIND OF FUCKING KID OR SOMETHING?  Okay... Calm down...  Maybe the puzzle is a kickass picture of Jesus getting pounded with a hammer or something...

GOD DAMN IT!  What is with all these weak-ass animals?  Fuck you, kinder egg.  FUCK YOU!  Well I'm not standing for this shit.  I am going back in my mom's closet to steal my brother's egg.  I'll just say that the dog ate them...  But chocolate is poisonous to dogs, right?  The prize in that egg better be worth it if I'm gonna kill the dog over this...

What is this?  Is it a parachute army man?  I sure hope it's a parachute army man...  Billy down the street got one last year and it was FUCKING AWESOME!

What the fuck is it?  This isn't an army man, just some piece of shit little toy glider...  FUCK!  I am going to be in such a SHITTY mood tomorrow that EVERYONE is going to pay!  I am gonna bitch and moan all the way through Easter dinner and make the day FUCKING MISERABLE for everyone!!!  If they ask why I'll just say it was because the dog ate my kinder egg.  At least I get to eat all this delicious chocolate.  Oh yeah...  I need to go kill the dog...



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