New Phleshlight Lineup! Cum And Get 'Em!

Calling all masturbators! Now announcing the new 2012 models of the most popular male sex aid in history, The Phleshlight! Our research and development team have been hard at work since last year to bring you the most "bang" for your buck with our new and innovative series, so take a gander and get your credit card ready, because you are going to need it!

The Inexperienced Girlfriend- Take yourself back to your first oral encounter... the nervous giggles, gentle touch, and excruciating toothy mess. This model is our first to feature rigid resin-cast teeth for the most genuine experience possible. Antibiotic topical cream not included.

The Phleshlight Mini (Lolita edition)- Here is your chance to explore your darkest desires in the safest possible way! Roughly half the size of our traditional Phleshlight, this version is a compact and victimless toy that any deviant can appreciate. Be prepared to submit a DNA sample for processing purposes before shipping, and just think... you might get to meet Chris Hansen!

The Shametorum- For the first time in our company's history we have received a production request from a prominent politician, Rick Santorum, and we just couldn't say no! This model is for the reluctant masturbator in all of us, and features the disapproving visage of Jesus Christ reminding us all to control our sinful urges. Our first Phleshlight without any openings, we are all reminded that the only hole we should be filling is the one in our soul!