Sup Bitches? Why don't you strap your shit in nice and tight and get ready for fucking rocketship ride to a land of motherfucking fantasy and magic. I know you're saying "What What??" Well don't start tripping bitches for I, Hershel Moore Esq., shall be your guide to the wonders of the badass, motherfuckng, 30 mm tabletop miniatures battle game, WARMACHINE!!
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| Hershel Moore Esq. |
It took many months of deliberation to choose which meaty cock of an army I would choose as my hand of motherfucking destruction. After arduous study, my decision was made. I chose the armies of reeking, undead machinations.... The Cryx! HAIL CRYX!! HAIL DRAGONFATHER!! HAIL TORUK!!
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| Pistol Wraith Variant Motherfuckers!! |
I decided to start with a 25 point army. Those bitches down at the Hobby Barn are not going to know what motherfucking slapped it's fat dick on the sides of their pouty, moist faces. It shall be I! Hershel of the Cryx! My first miniature is a Pistol Wraith with the Variant pose, "Flamey Hair". Above is that bitch in a box.
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| Take That Bitch Out Of The Box!! |
First you take that bitch out of the box and you file off all the really sharp edges and little fucking scraps leftover from casting. I did not take any pictures of me filing. Maybe next time bitches! Try to find the seem from the casting and give it a file or two. Just look for it, it's obvious when you see it. Smooth that shit out. Fuck yeah!
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| Do You Like My Pin Vice Inside Of You?? |
Now you are ready to drill and pin. Find out wear the two pieces are going to fit together. Now take your little hand drill and drill a little hole. Oh shit! there is pewter scraps all over my nice antique table. You should have used a piece of cardboard or something you dumb shit!
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| Stuff That Drill Up In There! |
Now drill out the top part. Be fucking smart about it, ok? You are going to glue a tiny brass rod between the two pieces of the miniature to stabilize it. Don't be fucking stupid and drill the holes all fucked up so your miniature doesn't sit straight. Fuck, that would be fucking stupid if you did that.
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| Look At His Tiny Fucking Gun! Adorable! |
You have to drill and pin the little bits too. Don't be a fucking pussy. Super glue alone won't hold these bitches together for long! You'll look like a real asshole if you are Warmachineing it up with some hardcore wiggers and your miniature falls apart like some wannabe player bitch!
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| Snip Snip..... Motherfucker! |
Now stuff some brass rod up in there! He fucking loves it! Clip that shit off... But not too short! You can always make it shorter later but you can never make it longer again. Dipshit.
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| Stuff Both Of My Ends With Brass!! |
See how that shit is going to fit together?? Soon enough this Pistol Wraith is gonna be pillaging some Horde bitches back door! It will be all like * BAM BAM BAM BAM* *UHHHHMM UH UH* * Do you know what I just did inside your backdoor??*
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| Not Just For Sniffing! |
Super glue. A dab will do ya! Put a small drop on top of your hole. Insert the brass rod niblett. Let that dry a bit. Now apply glue to the other side of the miniature and insert the other side of the rod. Quickly now fucker! You don't have much time. Position the two pieces to your liking and hold it... hold it... hold it.... OK! Now, how does it look? Well too fucking bad, it's glued already!
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| I Know, OK!? |
Now, I know that shit is not perfectly flush. OK!? I am going to take a bit of putty and fill in the gaps around the waist later! Fuck! It will look better Goddammit!! Then I glued the motherfucking arm on. It is going to be so badass!
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| BOOM BOOM BITCHES!! |
Next, I plan to putty, primer and paint this bitch, and other bitches. But not fucking now! OK?!. Please join me again for my further adventures in 30 mm tabletop miniatures battle gaming. Warmachines forever bitches!! HAIL CRYX!!
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