The Amazing Banacle Belt! (Crotch Conch in Canada)

Have you ever been minding your own business when POW! You get slammed in the testicles by some carelessly thrown object? Well worry no more, Susan: Introducing he Amazing Barnacle Belt!

One size fits all!

This new crotch protection system borrows from age-old technology that was used for centuries, and revives it for a totally radical modern application! The secret to the Amazing Barnacle Belt system is the live crustacean that adheres itself to your most vulnerable areas, giving you form-fitting comfort and protection every time.

Just remove the unit from it's saltwater bath bucket and apply directly to the exposed skin. For best results, maintain a clean body shave and apply immediately after showering. Then it is time to appreciate true protection while enjoying the unintended (but not unwelcome) stirrings of the Amazing Barnacle Belt's unique suction action!

Each Amazing Barnacle Belt comes in your choice of dark or light coloration, and the earthy spoiled muck scent comes standard!  So throw away your polymer-based athletic cup and get back to the oldschool... with the Amazing Barnacle Belt!  ($64.73 retail in the finest athletic garment or aquarium pet stores)